These Phrases given by A Father That Saved Me when I became a New Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - going on a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."